Why do only 10% of men make it to heaven?
Because if they all went, it would be Hell.
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How many men does it take to tile a bathroom?
Two. If you slice them very thinly.
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What's the quickest way to a man's heart?
Straight through the rib cage.
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Why can't men get mad cow disease?
Because they're all pigs.
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What do you call a handcuffed man?
Trustworthy.
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What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath
and calling your name?
You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.
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How does a man show he's planning for the future?
He buys two cases of beer instead of one.
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Why did God create man before woman?
Because you need a rough draft before creating your masterpiece.
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Why do little boys whine?
Because they are practising to be men.
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What is the difference between men and women?
A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need.
A man wants every woman to satisfy his one need.
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How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
Rename the mail folder to "Instruction Manuals".
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What do you call a man with half a brain?
Gifted.
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What did God say after creating man?
"I can do better."
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Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can't stand criticism.
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What do you have when you have two little balls in your hand?
A man's undivided attention.
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Why do men name their penises?
Because they want to be on a first name basis with the one who
makes their decisions.
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What is a man's idea of foreplay?
A half-hour of begging.
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How many men does it take to change the toilet paper roll?
Nobody knows - it's never happened.
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Why are men like laxatives?
They can irritate the sh*t out of you.
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Why do men have holes at the end of their penises?
So oxygen can get to their brains
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