1. WILL THE REAL DUMMY PLEASE STAND UP? - AT&T fired President
John Walter after nine months, saying he lacked intellectual
leadership. He received a $26 million severance package. Perhaps it's
not Walter who's lacking intelligence.
2. WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM OUR FRIENDS: - Police in Oakland,
California spent two hours attempting to subdue a gunman who had
barricaded himself inside his home. After firing ten tear gas
canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing beside them
in the police line, shouting, "Please come out and give yourself
up."
3. WHAT WAS PLAN B??? - An Illinois man, pretending to have a gun,
kidnapped a motorist and forced him to drive to two different
automated teller machines, wherein the kidnapper proceeded to withdraw
money from his own bank accounts.
4. THE GETAWAY! - A man walked into a Topeka, Kansas Kwik Stop, and
asked for all the money in the cash drawer. Apparently, the take was
too small, so he tied up the store clerk and worked the counter
himself for three hours until police showed up and grabbed him.
5. DID I SAY THAT??? - Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a
robbery suspect who just couldn't control himself during a lineup.
When detectives asked each man in the lineup to repeat the words:
"Give me all your money or I'll shoot," the man shouted,
"that's not what I said!"
6. ARE WE COMMUNICATING?? - A man spoke frantically into the phone,
"My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes
apart!" "Is this her first child?" the doctor asked.
"No!" the man shouted, "This is her husband!"
7. NOT THE SHARPEST TOOL IN THE SHED!! - In Modesto, California,
Steven Richard King was arrested for trying to hold up a Bank of
America branch without a weapon. King used a thumb and a finger to
simulate a gun, but unfortunately, he failed to keep his hand in his
pocket. (hellllllooooooo!)
8. THE GRAND FINALE - Last summer, down on Lake Isabella, located
in the high desert, an hour east of Bakersfield, California, some
folks, new to boating, were having a problem. No matter how hard they
tried, they couldn't get their brand new 22 ft. boat going. It was
very sluggish in almost every maneuver, no matter how much power was
applied. After about an hour of trying to make it go, they putted to a
nearby marina, thinking someone there could tell them what was wrong.
A thorough topside check revealed everything in perfect working
condition. The engine ran fine, the out drive went up and down, and
the prop was the correct size and pitch. So, one of the marina guys
jumped in the water to check underneath. He came up choking on water,
he was laughing so hard. NOW REMEMBER... THIS IS TRUE . Under the
boat, still strapped securely in place, was the trailer.
